humble, joy-filled, God-dependent mothering

One of my friends texted me the other day asking how I was doing with emotionally, if I was feeling the "Baby Blues". I hadn't taken time recently to think about it - too much has been going on!
Once I took the time to think, though, I realized that I am doing okay - if I'm not tired. When I'm tired my emotions rise to just below the surface and almost anything can cause tears or "shortness". Especially when both babies are being needy at the same time.

I found this blog post this afternoon about mothering that really spoke to my heart and I wanted to share a part of it.


"Motherhood ... laughs in the face of our competence and confidence we try so hard to feel and have in a society that tells us we can do anything we want and do it good.

Motherhood can make a wimp out of us. Out of me.

...Don't make motherhood an idol. Or motherhood your identity. If you do, you have failed at the calling you think you have and the fruit you thought you would reap, will devastate you.

But the truth is, ... when you get into it all, you find it just doesn't mix with a self-seeking heart. ... It's easy to lose our hearts to the glitter of a self-important career and forget that there are hearts under our charge that need our unconditional love and acceptance and training -- AND IT'S WORTH IT.

I want to RISE TO THE CHALLENGE to the hardest career I could have ever chosen. Yep, I will probably have to tell myself this each and everyday. Not because I don't LOVE every single one of my children, and not because I don't love motherhood, but because it's hard. And though I typically love a good challenge, this motherhood stuff goes beyond that. I can't do it without God.


So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?


To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up


I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
-"Lead Me" by Sanctus Real "



 It's so true. Having Emma was an entirely new experience in relying on God, but it didn't wear me out. Having Ian and Emma? It's driving me to my knees.
I want to give them and John "the best of my life" but I can't do it. Not by myself.

yesterday evening

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

Yesterday evening was a quiet time, just the four of us enjoying playing and being together. John sent me outside to take a walk after Emma was down. He stayed with Ian, and I took a stack of letters to the mail box.

It was a bit sticky outside (it seems to hardly ever be dry during July/August), but cool enough to be pleasant. And so pretty.

I'm so glad John told me to go out.
There is something about being out of doors that is refreshing for me. And John knows this.

As I walked I decided that when I get old I want to be the old lady on the street who has the garden that is overflowing with a profusion of old-fashioned flowers.
I want to spend my time tending it, being with my family, building into their lives and the lives of the younger women around me. 

I want to wear the slightly funky but ever so lady-like clothes.

I want to have pretty dishes to use everyday, especially when others stop in for coffee and something sweet.

In my old age I want to celebrate and enjoy the simple and sweet things that make up the days.

And if it is going to happen I need to cultivate that contentment and joy now.

a summer sunday morning

The tree outside our window.

This blog post by Ann Voskamp spoke to me, especially these lines:
"The most enchanting days never cost a thing, only that you pay attention.
I slow down and open the eyes wide and dig deep into the pocket of me.

I'm thinking now is worth all I have."

Ian is wearing a romper/faux suit that Mimi gave him at the shower and Emma is wearing a romper that Grammie bought while she was here. They looked so cute!

Emma wanted her picture taken, but wasn't quite so sure about smiling.

just hangin' out

Today is Baby #2's due date. And we're just hangin' out, waiting.

Yesterday, to keep myself occupied (and my mind off of the fact that I wasn't in labor), I pulled out some of the fabric that I bought back in March, and finally turned the green and pink pieces into a summery dress/tunic top for Emma. She is wearing it today and loving it!

Today, as long as the sewing machine is out, I might finish up a few more of the sewing projects I've been meaning to get to. Emma might get some new clothes out of it, and it will help the time to pass! :)

new project

more photos and instructions over here

quote to ponder

I finished reading A Life That Says Welcome yesterday, just in time to return it to the library. :) It has been a good book, encouraging and thought provoking.

A Life That Says Welcome, by Karen Ehman

As she wrapped up the book Karen Ehman said,
"I need to keep a quiet heart. To trust that if God has allowed an interruption in my day, it serves a purpose. To believe that the time to finish what work I thought needed to be done will be given. To accept that He is diverting me from my "plan A" to His greater plan." -chp. 10

That can be so true of me, too. I may not have the "drop-in" visitors to show hospitality to that she was talking about, but I do have a little one and a husband who need me to show them love by serving them. Even when I just want some time to myself.

"nesting"

I suppose I am officially in the "nesting" stage of pregnancy. Projects that I have been meaning to get done for, well, for a long time are getting crossed of the list. It's so nice to see some of these things get done! On Friday evening I finally finished the bed skirt for our bed. (You can see how over on the market blog)

We had a bed skirt that came with our duvet cover, but it was the kind that has a flat sheet-like panel that is supposed to be laid in between your boxspring and your mattress.
The bed frame that John made for us has side rails and a solid piece under the mattress (no boxspring), and I really didn't want to hide the beautiful side rails by hanging the bed skirt over them. So I just folded it up and put it away for later. Maybe we'd have a guest bed that could use it?
John also made the bed nice and high so that we could store our suitcases and so on under it. Which has been just great (they're not in our closets!) but also a bit of an eyesore (at least to me. maybe no one else noticed?).
I pulled out the bed skirt and started to try to figure out how to make it work. I figured out something that would use Velcro on the inside of the rails, but then got sidetracked and put it away again.

So, on Friday I finally finished the project that I had started about two years ago as I was setting up our home after the wedding. Ta da! So much tidier looking!

hospitality and books from the library

The Art and Craft of Entertaining

A Life That Says Welcome

I borrowed these two books from our local library, and have been enjoying them. The first one is very elegant with lots of gorgeous photos and creative ideas of how to entertain in an impressive way. It has ideas for the types of dinner parties that you send engraved invitations for. Beautiful.
The second book is all about Christian hospitality, how it starts in the heart and is translated through your home and attitudes. The author reiterates over and over that hospitality is about ministering to others rather than impressing them. What a contrast!
It has been good to look at the two books side by side, comparing the two concepts of entertaining.
I whole heartedly agree with Karen Ehman in her ideas of entertaining, but it is nice to remember also that hospitality involves showing honor to others by preparing a beautiful setting a meal just for them.

new favorite knitting book

new favorite knitting book, originally uploaded by Lizi Beth.

and the beginnings of a sweater vest for Emma (using yarn from a cotton sweater that was just too short on me for my liking).

This knitting book - Essential Baby by Debbie Bliss - is just too sweet! It's projects are all classic and timeless, and range in time consumption from itty-bitty socks to a jumper or lacy blanket.
And the instructions are clearly written, too (a HUGE plus in my opinion!).

a one-car family

I stumbled upon this post this morning, and found it to be quite encouraging.
As some of you know, John and I have been driving one car since we got married. It has worked out fine overall, but there have definitely been times when I/we have thought about buying another!
Since we aren't in a position to afford one (and by afford I mean pay cash for, etc) without digging into our savings, we have put the idea on the back burner for the near future.
Reading Liz's thoughts on the subject was good, reminding me that not only are others in our situation thriving, but there are actually benefits to it.
Obvious benefits are financial, of course, but also personal. I, too, have had to be organized with my time and shopping trips, and that organization has been good for me. :)

There is one thing in particular that she said that was especially encouraging:
"On a more personal level, I feel that our situation has also blessed me with the opportunity to truly blossom in our home and to focus on my life there."

It's true. When you don't have the option of driving away, home becomes your focus. My challenge is to take joy in that, and not let it become a grumbling point.
As I'm reminded of over and over, this season of life is passing quickly, and I need to focus on it, not the "someday". Emma will be our only child for just a few more months, and she is growing so quickly. With the new baby I will need to focus on two instead of one, and there will be increasingly less time. Focusing on our home and each other (as well as our friends) is something that we will never regret.

And as Liz said to close her post, I may not get out much, but you are welcome to come over! I'll put on the coffee or tea and we can visit a while. :)

treasure these moments

Emma will be our little baby for only a little while.
Soon - too soon it seems sometimes - she will have to share our attention with another baby and be the big sister, no longer the center of everything. She is growing and learning so very quickly. So many "big" milestones such as her first birthday, first steps and first words, are just around the corner and our little Emma Grace is so ready for them.
For now, though, she is still our baby, and I am treasuring the moments. Treasuring the moments when it is just her and me at home during the days, treasuring being able to focus on her, being undistracted and able to notice and celebrate her little achievements. Treasuring our baby girl.

Emma is tall enough to pull our DVDs off of the shelf, and last week we added it to the "no touch" group. She had been gravitating to the shelf more and more and I would often find her on the floor happily surrounded by - and chewing on - the movies that she had pulled off the shelf.
So, now Emma is learning to obey some more, and the DVDs are staying on the shelf (mostly).
Because of that I spent a moment putting them back into alphabetical order this morning. It had been bothering me a bit that they were all "messed up" and now they are back in order (for now). So nice.
Of course, I expect to find them spread out on the floor with our baby girl happily in the middle of them again ............ but it's nice for now.

this evening out my window

as water through fingers ....

teething, originally uploaded by Lizi Beth.

I love being a mother. I really do. Mothering a smiling and joyful (and willful ...) baby is just so wonderful. Sometimes when I look back at my day, though, it seems as if all my effort accomplished nothing. True, the laundry has been washed, dishes done, diapers changed. But at the end of the day it is hard to tell because all of that "doing" is waiting to be done all over again. There are no marks of achievement when is comes to housework.

Emma is teething just now, and today she just wants to held as she sucks her thumb or trills to me as she plays with my hair. It is difficult to get much accomplished while carrying a nearly 20 pound baby, and combined with her want for more nursing and less "real" food, I am feeling a bit tired! So we have been sitting at the computer and I have been catching up on reading blogs as Ems absorbs comfort. As I was reading I found that this woman's post from last week was good and very timely.

It reminded me of the story of how David's mighty men went down to Bethlehem to get him some water from the well, and instead of drinking it he poured it out on the ground as a drink offering (II Sam 23:14-17). Of course, David had a purpose for pouring out the water - to him it represented the life blood of the men who had brought it for him - but I have always seen it from his men's view as well: they so wanted him to have this water that meant so much to him, and then he poured it out instead of drinking it. All their effort gone. But their effort wasn't gone. It was being used as an offering of praise.

The blog author was convicted about her setting "seen" accomplishments as idols in her heart. It was so good to read her transparency. I stopped to ponder: Can I go from needing a visible, tangible product of my labor to allowing it to be poured out before God?

Audrey Hepburn quotes about home

from How To Be Lovely by Melissa Hellstern

"It's the flowers you choose, the music you play, the smile you have waiting. I want it to be gay and cheerful, a haven in this troubled world."

"What I always wanted, what I still want, is to create a warm and loving atmosphere for those I care about - my family and my friends."


I love that Audrey was a homey type of person. I just love that.

aren't they just the cutest things?

I am rather fond of them myself.

home with Daddy

and so happy to see him again!

quick post before heading out to Bible study

Emma is just too precious. I don't think I am able to not photograph her. Well, I could if I was forced to, but I would still be taking pictures with my mind. Those dimples will stretch out to knobby-ness all too soon (although I think she will keep her habit of sleeping with her hands by her chin)!

last night

Emma was tired and cranky, but too tired to easily fall asleep. John held her and soothed her while I got dinner together (we had fajitas - so I didn't really cook, just brought all the ingredients together), and when I looked up she was sound asleep. Safe, secure, and cuddled on her daddy's chest.

I went outside to look at the little plants after the dishes were done, and noticed through the window that John was reading in our room. It was such a peaceful sight: his toes sticking up over the footboard, all in silhouette, with the curtain blowing in the breeze.

It was a peace-filled evening.

mother's day 2009

family of three, originally uploaded by Lizi Beth.

'Twas a lovely day. I felt so loved and honored all day long.

John made me breakfast in bed and entertained Emma so that I could sleep another hour (not sure which gift I appreciated more!). They gave me a bouquet of roses, a gift certificate for a pedicure and a frame for a picture of Emma.

Emma had "encouraged" us to start our day a few hours earlier than planned, so we had time to leisurely enjoy our coffee together before heading off to church.

Afterwards we hurried home to make put the furniture back in place (John cleaned the carpet yesterday - thank you Darling!) and make lunch for family who had phoned to let us know that they would be arriving slightly ahead of schedule - by two hours!

Lunch turned out great, and we had a wonderful afternoon visiting with them all - John's mom Teri, sister Sarah and brother Brian, brother's fiancee Leah and her sister Esther. They were returning from a road trip for Brian's graduation from Liberty University with a master's degree in (international?) business.
John and I finished the evening by reading together as the light was fading ... and finishing off the rest of the cheesecake. :)

Here's a sweet tribute - of sorts - to motherhood that I heard on NPR: At My Place, Every Day Is Mother's Day

I hope you all had a beautiful day celebrating your own mothers - or being celebrated!