Saturday, March 29, 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008

quote to ....... well, something

"That's not right. It's just wrong!"

Saturday, March 22, 2008

little happenings

Three weeks from right now I will be sitting in the back room of a church, waiting for my wedding to begin and counting down the minutes until I become John Smillie's wife. Forever. Three weeks.
In the meantime there are a veritable ton of things that probably should be done, but most of them are non-essential.
All of those things are non-essential when I stop to think about what life will look like in, say, 4 1/2 weeks. It helps me put it all in perspective when I remember that soon, very soon, it will be all over and I will be his wife, unpacking our boxes and washing our laundry. In the meantime I miss him terribly. Even with all the bustle of seeing friends and busyness of getting things ready, I am lonely. But, in 2 1/2 weeks he will be here, and the hours until the ceremony will fly past. They are flying now, which means I need to get the next thing done (the lining for the skirt of Anna's dress, I think .... ).

Friday, March 21, 2008


"Of the nearly 4,000 species of mammals on Earth, almost one quarter are bats, the only mamals capable of powered flight."
- Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

Saturday, March 15, 2008

treasure the moments

I am swamped. Positively. And rather amazed that I am getting anything done at all! But at the same time I am realizing more intensely just how much my family will miss me. How much I will miss them. I know that they love me, but until recently I have tried to brush off thinking about how things will change with me moving away. I know it will hurt when I do finally sit down and let it sink in, and I don't want to go through that.
But I need to.
Because it makes all the little moments until then more ..... more needed. Not more special, but more valuable.
I was thinking tonight about how how my grandmas are aging and what they are able to do, but more about what they aren't able to do. I began to cry. I always thought that my grandmas would be able to go shopping with me for wedding stuff, attend my showers, talk about how things change when you get married and share their wisdom. But things aren't like that. Neither one is at a place where they are able to do that, and I had a pity party.
More grieving what isn't than feeling sorry for myself, but it was still a pity party.
I miss what I have not had. Terribly.
But John reminded me tonight that both of them still love me dearly.
I needed that.
I was reminded tonight of how fleeting the time is, and how valuable is the love that they have for me. How I need to treasure my loved ones, and not let anything get in the way of loving them.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves". - Col. 4:7

Monday, March 10, 2008

she's turning twenty!!!!

my little sister is having a birthday today ..... :)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

बेत्वीन थे द्रेअमिंग एंड थे किंग त्रुए - (between the dreaming and the coming true)

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come." Habakkuk 2:3

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you"! Eph. 5:14

Friday, March 07, 2008

my brother

working - playing? - no, definitely working

flower girls

an afternoon with my sister

We did errands, and found the perfect sweaters for the flowers girls!

I bought the sheet music for a song for the wedding: Great Is Thy Faithfulness. The version John and I chose is by Fernando Ortega. He completely rewrote the music, but kept all the lyrics the same. It is so lovely!

Then we got our makeup done

and did some preliminary price checking on paper goods for the wedding.

There were several other errands in the midst of all that, so we had a long, yet wonderful day together.

the baring of soul

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh, I ... am I ...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For darkness I know I've let win

Can you hear me?
Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...

-"martyrs and thieves" by jennifer knapp

Sunday, March 02, 2008

the Judas in my heart

When evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, "I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me." They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, "Surely not I, Lord?" -Matthew 26:20-22

What is it to betray our LORD? I see
giving the focus and worship that belongs to anything else as betrayal. "Surely not I?" I stray from absolute worship so often. So terribly often. I allow little things, stupid things, to distract me from my LORD. When He beckons me toward Him, sometimes I do not even see. Because I am so preoccupied with "me", what "I want", or what "others think".
I allow those things to take His place. Sometimes even eagerly.

Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" Jesus answered, "Yes, it is you."
-Matthew 26:25
It is. And yet, in spite of that, Jesus loves me, cares for me, died for me, rose for me, and stands before the Father for me as my Righteousness. In spite of my betrayal, He did all this for me.

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
-Matthew 26: 26-28

He knows me, even my tendency to betray Him, and yet offers Himself freely as my complete Righteousness.
Such is Love.

In response to this Love, I believe that I need to battle against the "Judas" in me, every moment of every day.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

You fill up my senses like a night in a forest,
like the mountains in springtime,
like a walk in the rain, like a storm in the desert,
like a sleepy blue ocean.
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you,
let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms.
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you.
Come let me love you, come love me again.

- "you fill up my senses", by john denver

Starbucks - The Way I See It #268

"Music is what I always turn to when I'm feeling a certain way. It's my reason for everything."
-Josh Groban

Yup, "what I always turn to when I feel a certain way". "My reason for everything". Mhmm. Right. "Everything." Well, maybe, but maybe not.
Music. What is it? The lilt that is in your heart when gladness washes over you, the quietness that is there when you are too exhausted for anything, the exultation - and weeping, at the same time - that is there when you love someone?
That is my reason for everything? Hmm.

Music is also the sound that rises in me in response to an incredible God; when I am so overwhelmed by Him that I can't even pray, there is a sound. Music.

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