I am swamped. Positively. And rather amazed that I am getting anything done at all! But at the same time I am realizing more intensely just how much my family will miss me. How much I will miss them. I know that they love me, but until recently I have tried to brush off thinking about how things will change with me moving away. I know it will hurt when I do finally sit down and let it sink in, and I don't want to go through that.
But I need to.
Because it makes all the little moments until then more ..... more needed. Not more special, but more valuable.
I was thinking tonight about how how my grandmas are aging and what they are able to do, but more about what they aren't able to do. I began to cry. I always thought that my grandmas would be able to go shopping with me for wedding stuff, attend my showers, talk about how things change when you get married and share their wisdom. But things aren't like that. Neither one is at a place where they are able to do that, and I had a pity party.
More grieving what isn't than feeling sorry for myself, but it was still a pity party.
I miss what I have not had. Terribly.
But John reminded me tonight that both of them still love me dearly.
I needed that.
I was reminded tonight of how fleeting the time is, and how valuable is the love that they have for me. How I need to treasure my loved ones, and not let anything get in the way of loving them.
5 years ago