{this moment}

{this moment}

(meant to post this last week, but life moves on ...)


inspired by SouleMama:

"{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

{this moment}

{this moment}

- huge thank you to Jenny for taking this one!

{this moment}

{this moment}

you can read about it here

my husband knows :)

John knows me so well, and he loves me. :)
When we were packing up our apartment he knew that I would need my box of shoes nearby, no matter how long we were in limbo, so he labeled them as Very Important.

I love you too, Darling. :D

(another) precious baby boy

We got a new nephew last night!

 John's twin and his wife birthed an adorable baby boy named Owen Hunter. I've heard that Mommy, Daddy and Baby are all doing well and am so looking forward to hearing his special arrival story!

Thinking about them as they are getting acquainted with each other, seeing their baby son face to face for the first time and just resting after all the hard work of pregnancy and birth brings memories of the few days of being in the hospital with our Emma Grace.

Emma was born late at night and we were so very tired, but also so very happy. The day of and following her birth were two of the best days of our lives. That little recovery room in the maternity wing was our own private sanctuary, a place where we learned to know our baby girl, our firstborn, a place to just be quiet and still together and bask in the joy.

Sweet, sweet memories.


Owen, we can't wait to meet you, to love on you and to kiss your darling baby nose. You have been a much prayed for baby and we are terrible excited to finally see you! Love to you three(!) and hope to see you soon!

a little announcement

We're moving (again)!

John has been transferred to Indianapolis and we are scheduled to be there this Thursday or Friday. It will be our fourth move in three years, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

There are times when I am excited, excited to see how God is working, excited to see what will happen in the next few years, where He will take us and the things that will happen along the way.

But there are times when I am scared, too. I want to be able to trust Him with everything, knowing that He is absolutely sovereign and is directing our days, but it scares me. I want to know where we will end up, where our next baby will be born and what city we will ultimately call home and when we'll get there. I want to know when I can put down roots and have them be permanent.

But I don't.
God does.

I want so badly to be able to trust Him with that, and trust Him gladly.

But for today I have a few tears.

what I found in the laundry

I pulled out the basket of clean clothes to fold this morning, and found George looking back at me.

amazing and full of wonder

My sister-in-law posted some ultrasound photos of our new little nephew or niece on facebook the other day.
As I was looking at them this morning I found myself choking up - they amaze me.
This little one already has a soul, an eternal soul. God knows his/her name and has known it since before the beginning of time. Even before it was ever spoken of, He know of Baby Smillie's existence. Oh, these things are amazing and full of wonder.

I was thinking about the verses where God talks about knowing us before we were conceived, knitting our bones and muscles together, seeing us while we were hidden away in the safety and darkness of our mothers' wombs.
Amazing.


O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
   you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?
   Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
   and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
   and the light about me be night,"
 even the darkness is not dark to you;
   the night is bright as the day,
   for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
   I awake, and I am still with you.
 -psalm 139:1-18

He. Is. Faithful.

"suffering is not for nothing. It's not just an opportunity to try and trust God. There is something glorious that He desires to produce in us through our sufferings." a. ann

"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful;" -Heb 10:23

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He. Is. Faithful.


I've come to the conclusion that I can expect "baby blues" to hit me about 6 weeks after I give birth.
For some reason, even though I get tired and a bit emotional after my babies are born, that passes fairly quickly and it's not until about a month and a half goes by that I start reaching out for help. Or quietly shutting down and weeping.
It happened after Emma, and now it's happening again.

It's wonderful that Ian has started to smile. He lies there, saying "ah ga, ah ga" and smiling. Emma comes over and wants to snuggle. And it's good. I wipe away tears and try to smile back.

I'm not really sad, per say, but not really happy either. The tears lie just beneath the surface and anything - or nothing - will make them flow.
I want to be happy, joy-filled, entering into Emma's play. Most of the time I am. It's just so much, much harder right now.

This feels like such a poor explanation of what is on my mind, what I wanted to say, but it's a start. I want to come out on the other side of this time knowing that God was faithful, giving me grace. Knowing that, somehow, He was working out something glorious.
I want to see that fruit.

humble, joy-filled, God-dependent mothering

One of my friends texted me the other day asking how I was doing with emotionally, if I was feeling the "Baby Blues". I hadn't taken time recently to think about it - too much has been going on!
Once I took the time to think, though, I realized that I am doing okay - if I'm not tired. When I'm tired my emotions rise to just below the surface and almost anything can cause tears or "shortness". Especially when both babies are being needy at the same time.

I found this blog post this afternoon about mothering that really spoke to my heart and I wanted to share a part of it.


"Motherhood ... laughs in the face of our competence and confidence we try so hard to feel and have in a society that tells us we can do anything we want and do it good.

Motherhood can make a wimp out of us. Out of me.

...Don't make motherhood an idol. Or motherhood your identity. If you do, you have failed at the calling you think you have and the fruit you thought you would reap, will devastate you.

But the truth is, ... when you get into it all, you find it just doesn't mix with a self-seeking heart. ... It's easy to lose our hearts to the glitter of a self-important career and forget that there are hearts under our charge that need our unconditional love and acceptance and training -- AND IT'S WORTH IT.

I want to RISE TO THE CHALLENGE to the hardest career I could have ever chosen. Yep, I will probably have to tell myself this each and everyday. Not because I don't LOVE every single one of my children, and not because I don't love motherhood, but because it's hard. And though I typically love a good challenge, this motherhood stuff goes beyond that. I can't do it without God.


So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?


To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up


I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
-"Lead Me" by Sanctus Real "



 It's so true. Having Emma was an entirely new experience in relying on God, but it didn't wear me out. Having Ian and Emma? It's driving me to my knees.
I want to give them and John "the best of my life" but I can't do it. Not by myself.

yesterday evening

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

Yesterday evening was a quiet time, just the four of us enjoying playing and being together. John sent me outside to take a walk after Emma was down. He stayed with Ian, and I took a stack of letters to the mail box.

It was a bit sticky outside (it seems to hardly ever be dry during July/August), but cool enough to be pleasant. And so pretty.

I'm so glad John told me to go out.
There is something about being out of doors that is refreshing for me. And John knows this.

As I walked I decided that when I get old I want to be the old lady on the street who has the garden that is overflowing with a profusion of old-fashioned flowers.
I want to spend my time tending it, being with my family, building into their lives and the lives of the younger women around me. 

I want to wear the slightly funky but ever so lady-like clothes.

I want to have pretty dishes to use everyday, especially when others stop in for coffee and something sweet.

In my old age I want to celebrate and enjoy the simple and sweet things that make up the days.

And if it is going to happen I need to cultivate that contentment and joy now.

happy independence day!

a summer sunday morning

The tree outside our window.

This blog post by Ann Voskamp spoke to me, especially these lines:
"The most enchanting days never cost a thing, only that you pay attention.
I slow down and open the eyes wide and dig deep into the pocket of me.

I'm thinking now is worth all I have."

Ian is wearing a romper/faux suit that Mimi gave him at the shower and Emma is wearing a romper that Grammie bought while she was here. They looked so cute!

Emma wanted her picture taken, but wasn't quite so sure about smiling.

24

Emma was very interested in the birthday pound cake. :)

It has been a good year.
John had his first Father's Day.
Emma and I went to visit my family in California.
Brian and Leah got married.
We moved.
Found out that God had given us Baby #2.
John's sister Sarah flew with Emma and me to California to visit my Gramma just before she died.
Emma had her first Thanksgiving and Christmas.
John and Emma and I went to see the CA Jacobsens.
Emma learned to walk, turned one and cut some molars.
We celebrated our second anniversary by dropping Em off with some friends and going out for a rare but wonderful date.
Emma went on her first Easter egg hunt.
Ian was born!

just the three of us

Mother's Day 2010

It will only be the three of us for a little longer.
Mimi (John's mom, Teri) plans to come and pick up Emma when we give her a call, and then wait to hear.
It may be soon.
It may be in a few days.
Either way, we are treasuring the last few days being just us three.

just hangin' out

Today is Baby #2's due date. And we're just hangin' out, waiting.

Yesterday, to keep myself occupied (and my mind off of the fact that I wasn't in labor), I pulled out some of the fabric that I bought back in March, and finally turned the green and pink pieces into a summery dress/tunic top for Emma. She is wearing it today and loving it!

Today, as long as the sewing machine is out, I might finish up a few more of the sewing projects I've been meaning to get to. Emma might get some new clothes out of it, and it will help the time to pass! :)

of carrot muffins and in-laws

I have been blessed by a wonderful set of in-laws. They have welcomed me into their family with open arms, and I am so grateful. (David sent me a couple of the C&B napkins for Mother's Day - thanks so much!!!)

I found the recipe for the muffins above in a box of my Grandma Jacobsen's old handwritten recipes. It doesn't look like her or her sister's handwriting, so maybe it's from a friend (of course, it could be her's and I'm just mistaken)?

Anyway, whoever it came from, I made it yesterday. I tweaked it a little (a cup less sugar, raisins instead of nuts) and they were really good. Mmm.

I also found that if you are making muffins instead of loaves, it makes 24 of them and takes about only about 20 minutes for them to bake.