it matters, because of Him

"One of the most profound and far-reaching implications of the Christian belief that God both created the world and entered it personally, is that matter matters; it has inherent meaning. It is not simple neutral, empty and waiting for us to grant whatever meaning or value we choose at any given point."  

-debra rienstra, great with child

He. Is. Faithful.

"suffering is not for nothing. It's not just an opportunity to try and trust God. There is something glorious that He desires to produce in us through our sufferings." a. ann

"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful;" -Heb 10:23

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He. Is. Faithful.


I've come to the conclusion that I can expect "baby blues" to hit me about 6 weeks after I give birth.
For some reason, even though I get tired and a bit emotional after my babies are born, that passes fairly quickly and it's not until about a month and a half goes by that I start reaching out for help. Or quietly shutting down and weeping.
It happened after Emma, and now it's happening again.

It's wonderful that Ian has started to smile. He lies there, saying "ah ga, ah ga" and smiling. Emma comes over and wants to snuggle. And it's good. I wipe away tears and try to smile back.

I'm not really sad, per say, but not really happy either. The tears lie just beneath the surface and anything - or nothing - will make them flow.
I want to be happy, joy-filled, entering into Emma's play. Most of the time I am. It's just so much, much harder right now.

This feels like such a poor explanation of what is on my mind, what I wanted to say, but it's a start. I want to come out on the other side of this time knowing that God was faithful, giving me grace. Knowing that, somehow, He was working out something glorious.
I want to see that fruit.

humble, joy-filled, God-dependent mothering

One of my friends texted me the other day asking how I was doing with emotionally, if I was feeling the "Baby Blues". I hadn't taken time recently to think about it - too much has been going on!
Once I took the time to think, though, I realized that I am doing okay - if I'm not tired. When I'm tired my emotions rise to just below the surface and almost anything can cause tears or "shortness". Especially when both babies are being needy at the same time.

I found this blog post this afternoon about mothering that really spoke to my heart and I wanted to share a part of it.


"Motherhood ... laughs in the face of our competence and confidence we try so hard to feel and have in a society that tells us we can do anything we want and do it good.

Motherhood can make a wimp out of us. Out of me.

...Don't make motherhood an idol. Or motherhood your identity. If you do, you have failed at the calling you think you have and the fruit you thought you would reap, will devastate you.

But the truth is, ... when you get into it all, you find it just doesn't mix with a self-seeking heart. ... It's easy to lose our hearts to the glitter of a self-important career and forget that there are hearts under our charge that need our unconditional love and acceptance and training -- AND IT'S WORTH IT.

I want to RISE TO THE CHALLENGE to the hardest career I could have ever chosen. Yep, I will probably have to tell myself this each and everyday. Not because I don't LOVE every single one of my children, and not because I don't love motherhood, but because it's hard. And though I typically love a good challenge, this motherhood stuff goes beyond that. I can't do it without God.


So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?


To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up


I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
-"Lead Me" by Sanctus Real "



 It's so true. Having Emma was an entirely new experience in relying on God, but it didn't wear me out. Having Ian and Emma? It's driving me to my knees.
I want to give them and John "the best of my life" but I can't do it. Not by myself.

my darling boy

yes, he's a pacifier baby. :)

just something beautiful

"poppy" by Carl Larsson, one of my favorite artists

and a quote that I found this morning:

Seek, O believer, that every good thing you have may be an abiding thing. May your character not be a writing upon the sand, but an inscription upon the rock!

-Charles Spurgeon

yesterday evening

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

Yesterday evening was a quiet time, just the four of us enjoying playing and being together. John sent me outside to take a walk after Emma was down. He stayed with Ian, and I took a stack of letters to the mail box.

It was a bit sticky outside (it seems to hardly ever be dry during July/August), but cool enough to be pleasant. And so pretty.

I'm so glad John told me to go out.
There is something about being out of doors that is refreshing for me. And John knows this.

As I walked I decided that when I get old I want to be the old lady on the street who has the garden that is overflowing with a profusion of old-fashioned flowers.
I want to spend my time tending it, being with my family, building into their lives and the lives of the younger women around me. 

I want to wear the slightly funky but ever so lady-like clothes.

I want to have pretty dishes to use everyday, especially when others stop in for coffee and something sweet.

In my old age I want to celebrate and enjoy the simple and sweet things that make up the days.

And if it is going to happen I need to cultivate that contentment and joy now.

sweet words

I just stumbled upon Banter Banner. It's such a fun company! They make a variety of banners with different phrases, all reflecting the company motto: "because we should celebrate everyday".

And one of the great things about these banners? They're each just $10. :)

happy independence day!

ah, commitment. and love that's been tried and found true.

this couple is just darling! they honestly recognize each other's faults, but then love them anyway. day after day, and year after year. that's what a lasting marriage takes!

summer = rhubarb

I found a recipe for baked/stewed rhubarb over on Orangette a few months ago and the other night I made it.
It's delicious. And refreshing. And addicting.
Oh yum.

It's also pretty simple to make, which is a really nice feature right now!

Roasted Rhubarb
2 lb. rhubarb, trimmed and cut into 3-inch lengths
½ cup sugar
½ cup crisp white wine
1 vanilla bean, split (I used about 1/2 tsp of liquid vanilla that I added about 5 minutes before it was done)

Set a rack in the lower third of the oven, and preheat the oven to 350°F.
Put the rhubarb in a Dutch oven or other deep oven-safe pot. Add the sugar, wine, and vanilla bean, and stir to mix. Bake (uncovered) for about 30 minutes, or until very tender, giving the pot a gentle stir about midway through to ensure that the rhubarb cooks evenly.